Voices of North Yorkshire: Miranda

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My husband and I were posted to North Yorkshire from Germany in July, 2014, both of us very eager to be coming home to the UK. I will never forget cresting the hill and seeing Richmond for the first time; it was so beautiful I cried, and I embraced Richmond and its surrounds as home ever since.

We settled in and made a circle of friends with the structures in place for the military community, especially our padre and the Wives’ choir. Then, our world changed dramatically when I became pregnant for the first time and we discovered we were expecting twins.

Our children were born in April, 2016. I had to leave work as the cost of childcare for two exceeded my wage, and the needs of the army had not changed; my husband was away more than he was home for the first 3 years of our children’s lives. This left me alone, at one point for a year, without any family support and not driving. I felt completely isolated and fell into depression.

As a military spouse one often hears, “You knew what you signed up for”, which is perhaps the least helpful thing that can be said to us. It is also untrue in several ways: you can’t know until you’ve lived it, and as spouses, we didn’t sign up for anything. The world expects us to carry on with little understanding of the very real toll the lifestyle takes on our mental health and overall wellbeing. I tried my best to help myself: I went to coffee mornings and play groups. I contacted Homestart. I made myself known to our Unit Welfare Officer. Many of my previous friendships fell away and new friendships with other new mums just didn’t materialise.

For 21 hours a day, I was at home, alone, with two babies depending on me. I went from house proud to embarrassed to let people in, as I hadn’t dusted in weeks. I wanted help but couldn’t ask for it; it felt too wrong to ask recently-made friends to clean or watch the babies while I napped or showered, as I would have done with close friends or family. Without a vehicle, getting out and about with the children was nearly impossible. If I couldn’t get there on foot pushing a double pram, I didn’t go. The walls were closing in around me, changing into prison bars. I “emptied my cup” pouring out for my children, and there was nothing left for me. I was desperately lonely: for my husband as well as the close friendships I lost in the move to Yorkshire and in having the children. It felt like there was nobody I could rely on. For the first time in years, I relapsed into my eating disorder. It has taken two years to emerge from that relapse and inch back towards recovery.

When the first lockdown was announced, I felt dread I had never known before. The last time I was trapped in the house with my children nearly broke me, and the prospect of going back into that prison was my deepest fear. I didn’t want to let my family or myself down; I wanted to be strong and resilient as the whole nation is in this boat together, but I didn’t see how I would manage any better. People aren’t made to be alone.

As of this morning, my husband is abroad in the service of our nation, and I am once again under lockdown, in sole care of our young children with no family support. If they were not in school, I don’t know how I would manage this next month. So much of being a happy, whole person comes from our connections with other people, from hugs with our family and close friends to the people we chat to at work and sharing a glance with a stranger in a shop or on a bus. Now, being locked away in our homes as much as possible and with faces covered in public, it’s harder and harder to connect with other people. Mental health isn’t something that can be fixed once and then ignored, it is ongoing maintenance of mind and spirit that needs steady attention. The longer isolation goes on, the worse off we’ll all be. I just hope that I come through it in one piece.

To hear more stories about loneliness from the Voices of North Yorkshire, see here.

Stronger Together – how to build connected communities

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Living somewhere with a strong sense of community is of great importance to people in North Yorkshire; however, developing neighbourhoods that are resilient, cohesive and sustainable is not always easy. It can be difficult to start those small, local conversations and once started, will anyone else see the vision?

That is why, as part of The Loneliness Campaign, we have brought a collection of free online resources together in the Stronger Together toolkit, to help and support communities, parishes, villages and neighbourhoods think about their own settings, and to encourage those wider conversations and social actions. We want all residents in North Yorkshire to have the opportunity to engage with neighbours, build stronger connecting networks and create more sustainable communities.

Divided into four sections, the resources are free to access and can be shared with others within your community, neighbourhood or organisation. There is a section for use by parish councils, local neighbourhood and action groups, and anyone with a local interest in making their community better. There is also a section specifically for professionals, where community projects are required as part of wider work or there are larger funding requirements. The final two sections go into further detail on two types of approaches for tackling loneliness within communities – Making Every Contact Count and Asset-Based Community Development.

As part of the communities section, you can either download or request a hard copy from the office of the new Building Connected Communities poster.  Designed to offer some ideas and starting points, it brings together a range of ideas for local action to create connected communities. It ranges from the simple such as ‘Stop to talk’, to the more complex ‘Start a free fridge’!

Wouldn’t it would be great if, once we are able to come together again, communities across North Yorkshire, brought their sharpies out and scribbled their own ideas, commitments and notes all over it and worked towards communities which were Stronger Together!

If you have more ideas to share let us know!

Your voluntary and community sector needs a Trustee like you!

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Communities are coming together to face challenges of the day

Over the last few months we have seen the power of people coming together to volunteer and support their communities. Many of these volunteers have been co-ordinated by charities and organisations who have rapidly adapted and developed new services to help in this seemingly ever changing world.

Trustees – volunteer leaders from all walks of life

Behind the scenes of many of these organisations have been the trustees – also known as board or committee members, directors or governors.  Trustees are those volunteers who lead these organisations, decide how they are run and make sure a charity is doing what it was set up to do.

Trustees come from all walks of life, backgrounds and life stages.  Some have roles needing specific skills, such as experience of senior management, finance or HR and increasingly digital. Others have roles requiring lived experience, enthusiasm and drive. Time commitments vary depending on an organisation’s size and activities.  In smaller charities involvement is more likely to be hands on, in larger organisations the role may involve more support and liaison with the staff team.

The difference you can make as a trustee

Being a trustee offers a unique opportunity to support a cause from the inside, to develop or enhance leadership skills, to use or develop professional/managerial/business skills and experience all while contributing ideas and knowledge to make a difference to an organisation and in turn the community it serves.

But don’t just take our word for it. Visit our YouTube channel and watch our playlist ‘Why be a trustee?’. Please note these pieces were filmed pre covid.

How can you get involved as a trustee?

If you’re interested in finding out more about what’s involved take a look at our information sheet on What Do Trustees Do?

Ahead of this Year’s Trustees Week (2 – 6 November) a wealth of new resources with further information about what’s involved in being a Trustee are also becoming available including this new book by Directory of Social Change How to Become a Charity Trustee  and a new guide with the same name from Getting on Board.

North Yorkshire needs trustees – could you be one of them?

Search for volunteering roles on the NCVO (the National Council for Volunteering Organisation) website. There are links to multiple volunteering websites from organisations such as Vinspired, and Volunteering Matters.